I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
