I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
