I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
