from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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