Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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