Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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