Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
