please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
