just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
