I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
