So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
