this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
