maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
