i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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