so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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