I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
