Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
