in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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