i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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