Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
