i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
