Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
