I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
