well I can't set my house on fire every night
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
