You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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