I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
