She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
