If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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