I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
