Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
