I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
