I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
