Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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