he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
