i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize