If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
50% drunk capacity currently
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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