Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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