Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My dick has a subreddit
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize