well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
