I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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