Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My vagina is officially offended.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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