sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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