there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
