Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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