soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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