Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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