Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
