you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
