I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
