Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
