You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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