the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
