our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
