hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
