So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
