i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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