Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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