Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Dernie hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(763): View more from Minnesota

I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

Fav 25 1173 4958
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

Did we have sex last night?

(1-706): View more from Georgia

I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.

Fav 16 975 6557
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(928): View more from Arizona

Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.

Fav 10 1398 3155
share tweet
(606): View more from Kentucky

Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens

Fav 9 4030 1309
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.

Fav 7 2467 998
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

Fav 10 2844 1034
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(954): View more from Florida

I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice

Fav 5 1729 1010
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

I went on an adventure and now we have more food.

(360): View more from Washington

Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.

Fav 0 783 563
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.

Fav 0 50 14
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT