dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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