I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
