Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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