You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had sex on a roof
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
