And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
